Stan
Stan loved to talk. He would talk about plastic and french fries and those little things that you put on the end of wires when you connect them together. One day, his arm got ripped off. It was okay, however, because, like I mentioned before, he was a starfish, and starfish live forever.
The true name of a starfish is "seastar", and this is because starfish are not really fish. Many things try to be like fish but just don't match up. For example, dolphins are really mammals (which are things like rats and cows and yaks and submarines and dolphins, if you didn't know what a mammal was). Dolphins are always trying to be like fish. They disguise themselves as sharks and try to get into their fun little cliques, but they are unable to outsmart the fish (fish are much smarter than dolphins).
Anyway, the moral of the story is: don't try to be something you're not, because you are special, and no matter what people say, no matter how many times you've been hit in the face with a pie, no matter how many colleges rejected your application because you can't spell your name right, no matter how many times the IRS has audited you, no matter how many times you have failed at tying your shoelaces, no matter how many times your bladder has exploded because you forgot to go to the bathroom, no matter how many times someone has cut your neck open with razor blades that are attached to the tail of their trenchcoat, no matter how many fish you have tried to catch have instead caught you, no matter how many times you were dropped on your head as a child, no matter how many frontal lobotomies you have given or recieved, no matter how many times you've become a blood brother to a monkey with ebola, no matter how many spears you have impaled yourself on after jumping off of something and trying to fly like superman, no matter how many bowls of Captain Crunch you wasted before figuring out that you have to take off the cap to the milk, no matter how many years it took you to learn how to clap your hands, no matter how many pieces of bacon it took to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll pop, no matter how many larks you have mistaken for turkeys...hmmm...what was I saying? Oh yeah, that's when you have to strike and cut off the tongue of the lizard.
My sixth and final point of the night has to do with eggnog, and how it actually is the worst killer there is. No, I'm not talking about its ability to sneak into your house and rip your eyes out in the night, I'm talking about the fact that it transform any bacteria living in it into giant radioactive ferrets from beyond the grave.
Wow, I got off on a tangent there. Well, to get back to the story, Dennis dodged Lewis' bullet and one day they all fell down like a pile of dusty bones...
THE END
