Quickwrite, November 19, 2003 Question: How would $25,000 change your life? Would you share? Move out? Answer: If I had $25,000, I would buy a panda and bring it with me everywhere I went. Although these animals are not carnivorous, I would train it to hunt down people I wanted dead. In fact, I would train it to be a criminal mastermind. It would use its panda powers to harvest large amounts of money through extortion and the sale of a new brand of higly addictive drugs made deep underground in a lab by panda scientists.
When I realize his powers are being used for evil rather than for good, I would try to talk him into ending the panda-monium.
"Bobby-" the name of my panda "-look," I would say, "You've had your fun. You don't need any more money."
"NO!" he would reply, having been trained also to speak. "I NEED MORE!" Then he would backhand me and I would fall to the floor.
I would get all teary-eyed and say, "How much is enough?"
Then, of course, a joyful musical number would entail, with much thrashing and kicking as the panda eats me. That's how I would spend $25,000.
